Sunday Reflection 9/21/2021

I feel a tremendous peace at this moment. It is nearly 4 AM, and the world around me is very quiet. I’ve been shifting between the internet, social media, and meditation. Part of me wants to be completely immersed in contemplation, but my mind doesn’t work that way—it has never been trained to focus on one single task. Perhaps someday it will.

Yesterday was fulfilling, except for the extended hours of sleep caused by a new nasal spray I used for my congestion. Its main side effect was drowsiness. I slept through most of the afternoon and didn’t accomplish much. Still, I have no complaints—I enjoyed the rest. I did manage to create two or three reels for Facebook and Instagram, perhaps a bit too many for my friends’ notifications. If I keep this up, some of them may eventually stop following me.

I can’t seem to shake off this nerdy enthusiasm whenever I try something new. Today, it’s gardening; tomorrow, who knows? My life is full of these moments of excitement, as I dive into learning and experimenting, often unaware that others may not share the same enthusiasm. People usually tolerate me out of consideration and respect. If I were still in high school, I’d likely be that classmate stuck in the corner—avoided because a simple “hello” might unleash a flood of endless, boring talk.

I don’t want to end up that way now—shunned by the world for overenthusiasm, or for overdoing things that don’t carry much weight in the bigger scheme of life. Current events today are dominated by politics—Trump in the U.S., corruption in the Philippines. They’re like passing storms, loud for a moment, then fading away. I’ve lived through these cycles before. While I sometimes want to join the fray again, my age and health no longer give me the strength to endure it.

So I remain on the sidelines, watching events unfold, while keeping myself occupied with things that draw little curiosity from others: meditation, blogging, and sharing my thoughts. My audience is small—mostly a few relatives—and I don’t want to overwhelm even them with my energy. That’s why I also use other platforms, like TikTok, YouTube, and my personal websites, where I can express myself freely without disturbing anyone. This freedom to create—whether through writing, photography, or video—settles my often restless heart.

I must admit, this creative drive also springs from loneliness and the deep human need to communicate. Living alone brings both peace and danger. Human beings are social creatures—they need spouses, friends, children, or community. In my youth, I thought I could live without anyone, but that was pride talking. The truth is, no one thrives in isolation. Still, I am blessed: though I may be isolated, I am not abandoned. My roommate Jim offers companionship through his presence, and I also have the option of joining a retirement community in the U.S. or returning home to what remains of my family. Either way, I am not entirely alone. The Lord has been kind to secure my old age with better prospects than many of the patients I once treated in nursing homes. Even so, the rule remains: aging is not easy. All we can do is make the quality of life as good as possible.

Today, being Sunday, I’ve decided to take a break from Facebook and devote the day to quiet contemplation and writing. I will continue to blog—on this site for reflections, and on another about current events in the Philippines—but I will not post them publicly today. My hobbies, like photography with my Canon or filming with my iPhone and action cameras, will still continue, but I want this day to remain restful.

This morning, I tried some video editing, experimenting with TikTok and YouTube again after months of neglect. Using voiceovers has given me new confidence to move into talking videos—teaching, sharing ideas, and lecturing. For someone who has always relied on the written word, this shift feels exciting. Life seems to offer me an endless well of interests, and I am thankful the Lord has guided me toward them. They don’t replace the joy of social companionship, but they help me fill the gaps.

Ultimately, everything comes back to discerning what the Lord wants of me. If I force myself into pursuits out of survival, people-pleasing, or ambition for wealth and recognition, I know I will end in misery. The Lord has already provided for my basic needs. If I still chase more, beyond what is necessary, I have only myself to blame when it collapses.

Earlier, I stepped outside to check my backyard. The sky was swollen with clouds, heavy with the promise of rain, perhaps even a storm. I had hoped to walk in the park, but that will have to wait. Instead, I can exercise indoors, tend to my plants, or do yard work. I am blessed with choices, even on a cloudy Sunday. I brewed my last cup of coffee and returned to the sofa, content to continue this meditation.

There is much to talk about with the Lord—especially about the state of the world. People everywhere are suffering, mostly from the failures of leaders who were meant to serve but instead serve themselves. Corruption has become so deeply ingrained in politics, especially in the Philippines, that the misery of the people is both systemic and cultural. Generations of neglect have left the poor to pay with their time, health, and even family life—sacrificing hours commuting, working, and battling floods, while politicians enrich themselves.

The cycle repeats endlessly: scandals erupt, investigations are staged, protests fill the streets, but soon the outrage fades, replaced by the next scandal. Politicians know this; they count on cultural amnesia to shield them. For decades, I have watched this same script unfold, with only the actors and scenery changing. It leaves me jaded, but I cannot deny that the problem runs deeper than individuals—it is institutional, cultural, even etched into our history.

The Filipino mindset, shaped by centuries of colonization, still draws a line between rulers and the ruled. Leaders are treated as a separate class, almost like monarchs passing their thrones to their children. People mistake wealth, beauty, and foreign ties for leadership, while corruption thrives under this system. This colonized mentality persists—in our politics, in our obsession with beauty pageants, in our craving for foreign approval. It is a wound carried across generations.

I do not condemn my people for this; it is part of who we are, shaped by history. But unless we recognize this flaw in our culture, we will continue to suffer under it.

—To be continued.
2025-09-22 01:10:31
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