Popong 10/Reflection

Today followed my usual routine. I woke up, had coffee, and felt energized by the ideas I conjured up from yesterday. Eager to showcase the value of AI, I wrote an article for my Medium account featuring a sample blog and pictures all generated via AI, which only took a few minutes but brought me a sense of joy.

Despite the time being late, I went for my regular walk in the park. It was unusually hot, but occasional clouds helped cool things down. I finished around 10:30 AM, feeling hungrier than usual. I stopped by Publix on the way home, bought groceries, cooked lunch, and afterward, I laid down due to fatigue and discomfort, likely from spending too much time sitting while finishing reading a book I’ve had for weeks.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if I have adult-onset ADD because my mind is constantly racing with tasks: I want to start reading a new book on Kindle, experiment with voiceover features in my YouTube and FB videos, and work on another AI project. I also want to write a review of the book I just read before I forget its details. I skipped my morning meditation and now feel guilty. Looking around, my room is a reminder of unfinished tasks, like the divider project I abandoned due to back pain and the overgrown weeds outside.

My brain is so cluttered that I don’t know where to start. There’s no end to this self-created chaos, stemming from disorganization and lack of prioritization. As a result, I end up doing nothing.

That’s why I want to go to the library or anywhere I can escape these overwhelming thoughts. With too many tasks demanding my attention, I end up accomplishing none. This is also why meditation is important—it clears my mental clutter and helps me reset my brain. Though I rested earlier from exhaustion, I feel somewhat refreshed but still unsure where to begin again.

The concept of ROI (Return on Investment) has been on my mind a lot, especially as I anticipate my retirement. What value do these tasks and projects (fighting each other in my brain) truly bring? The only ROI I can see is personal growth, passing the time, and sharing with others. But should I really go through unnecessary stress over tasks with no tangible return?

Reflecting on my hobbies, my morning walks and meditation seem the most valuable. One keeps me physically healthy, and the other helps me stay grounded, reminding me of what’s truly important. Reels and social media? Hardly anyone watches them. Yet, here I am, planning a trip to Miami just to take pictures for social media like I’m a paid influencer. I write articles about health, only to have a couple of readers, one being myself. I can be funny that way.

I’m realizing that my post-retirement fantasies don’t align with reality. So why rush to do things, waste time on tech that constantly changes, or travel just to post pictures on my rarely viewed Facebook account? Why invest time and energy in things with zero ROI?

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Right now, I should start with the simplest of all my projects. Finish assembling the divider. Then I can clear up the clutter in my room and my study table, oh Lord, it is so cluttered I can hardly sit on this table to do my projects. These are the two main things I would like to finish at least for today. Then what I need to do next is to list all the ‘wished’ activities I have been working on. In that way, there is a flow that my brain can follow instead of these overwhelming and overcrowding tasks which I try to attend to and end up barely touching because I want them all done at the same time. That is my problem.

So, yup, I was able to declutter my room and assemble the three-layer divider. It helps to move; to let my muscles contract and my joints mobilize through a range of motions to keep them flexible. Indeed, I feel the inflexibility at times, especially after jogging or walking a couple of miles. I also feel it when I lie stagnant in my bed. I do go to bed sometimes to relieve the stress on my back only to discover that lying down makes the stress worse. I cleared my table where I usually work my best when programming. There are still hours that I could spend productively. What were the tasks again?
Read a new book through Kindle
Make exercise videos, simple ones
Review the Diabetes book I finished reading yesterday
Review Programming

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Lately, I’ve come to realize certain truths about life that have brought me a sense of acceptance and peaceful compliance. Over the past few days, I’ve been excited to post on Facebook, sharing things I enjoy with those in my network. But then I began to wonder: am I doing this just for the attention and approval of others? Whether the approval is real or not, is this how I want to spend my remaining years?

I came to the conclusion that living for the approval of others—seeking social validation—is not how I want to shape the rest of my life. I was reminded of my uncle, Frank. He returned home poor, sick, and embarrassed, hoping for someone to take pity on him. Though his family cared for him, it wasn’t enough to erase the consequences of a life spent chasing fleeting pleasures. He died alone, a sad reminder of the perils of a life lived without foresight or purpose.

Unlike my uncle, I’ve prepared for my future. I’ve worked hard, helped my family, and set myself up for a self-sufficient life. I don’t need financial help, nor do I want to waste the blessings God has given me by chasing fame, wealth, or approval. If I spend my time seeking attention on social media or doing things just to impress others, I risk squandering the beautiful life God has given me.

The only return on investment (ROI) I want now is the one that nourishes my mind, brings me joy and peace, and contributes to my well-being. Anything else would only make the devil happy while leaving me empty. Just yesterday, I felt the toll of too much time spent online, mindlessly clicking and scrolling. I realized that all this stimulation was taking me away from what truly matters.

I prayed and meditated, and through that, the Lord illuminated the path forward. I had a long list of tasks in my mind, but instead of avoiding them, I finally saw a way to approach them. I started by decluttering my room and assembling a divider that had been put off. By taking immediate action, I felt a sense of accomplishment and clarity.

During this process, I discovered a bill that I had forgotten about, and I took care of it immediately. It felt good to take control of my life again. Afterward, I completed the task of assembling the divider, and though it was tiring, the satisfaction was worth it.

I ended the day watching TV, enjoying the series *The Preacher* despite its blasphemous undertones. I feel secure enough in my faith that such fictional misrepresentations don’t affect me. My relationship with God is strong, and nothing can shake that foundation.
2024-09-08 10:48:12
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